Trying to hear God's Voice

The pain inside me from his words

All the things he said helped him to fall in love

are now the things that make him turn his head.

I've loved him more each passing day for 18 years

Yet, it seems his love was for other things.

Was always taught to be a Good Girl try to follow God's path

Gard your Heart, Your, Soul, Your mind

Use God's armer to let the Spirit Shine

He one time loved me for this

He one time was happy for this

Now he says he is not

He pushes me to find some one better than he

but he doesn't understand my only desire is for the one God gave to me

He is not happy because with sex I am not "loose" not getting turned on by watching a porn

not wanting to try out the swingging life to just dance every now and than with somthing new/strange.

Self - conscious of the games he wants to play in plublic "submit to the Dom"

He now feels the happy high from smoking the weed

As another painful dart he knows by asking me to join would open my soul to God's words telling me to take heed

The road he has placed me on puts him one way and God the other. If I can't be what he needs and do what makes him happy then I should find another

I don't understand God for many years we were one. He was with you and me. Now he tells me we are to different.

I am deeply hurt and angry that for 18 years there was no honesty. I loved him as you told me to see what you see.

Forgive him, forgive him, forgive him seventy times seven yet where did it lead

What have I done wrong that something is now taking him from me

What was the reason for trying so hard to be what you wanted me to be and in the end have my love ripped from me for allowing your control of me

I'ts not fair, my whole life's dream is to have someone love me on earth as you. I don't understand why please tell me, tell me why being good is the wrong way to be, tell me why only haveing a desire for one man only in your life is not what he wants from me.

Tell me why he would want to share me with another and expect me to share him with another.

Please tell me why being good and trying my best to follow you is the reason my husband doesn't want me.